The other day marked the one year anniversary of sending our sweet Indie girl to kitty heaven.  Although the days have gotten remarkably easier, I will never forget feeling that terrible emptiness in my heart in the days after her soul left this world.  I felt regret and anger.  I had a hard time feeling like we did the best thing for her.  Then, to lose Ollie so suddenly one month later, you just can’t imagine my shock and despair.

To this day, I believe that Ollie couldn’t live without Indie and that’s why he left us, to be with her.  I still find stray furs here and there and the occasional “claw-nail” if I look close enough on the floor.  Just little reminders of my sweet, furry little friends.  I find myself reminiscing about things like Ollie laying in that one spot of sunshine on the floor and how his black fur would be so hot to the touch after laying in that spot long enough.  He was so content just laying in the sun.  I also sometimes miss how outspoken he was when it came to dinnertime.  We had quite the conversations.

I think about Indie.  Soft, fluffy little Indie.  She just wanted to be near us.  She was content to lay, purring on my lap while I sat at my desk or on the couch.  When she felt well enough, she raced around the house chasing invisible things.  She never really wanted anything to do with Hailey but came to tolerate her at the end because she realized that Hailey just wanted to love her, too.

So, here we are, a year later.  We’ve watched Teagan grow from an infant into a babbling toddler and Hailey turn into a Disney Pop Star loving preschooler.  As much as I miss the companionship of our cats, I have to admit that I’m not ready to permanently welcome another furbaby into my life.  That pain I felt after losing both of my cats was almost unbearable.  I do want the girls to experience the responsibility of having a pet or four-legged family member but I know that I still need some time.  I’m sure when we completely outgrow our warm, cozy little home that we will probably open our hearts again.  It has been kind of fun looking at the different breeds of dogs (yes, a dog) and learn about them.  We want to be fully prepared to love and care for another animal, together as a family.