Oh hormones. How I love thee.

Or not.

I’m really feeling good for nothing today.  I have been feeling that way all week though.  I remember these emotions.  I remember thinking it was a mistake to get pregnant when I was pregnant with Hailey.  The only reason I felt that way was because I was tired and sick.  I feel that way again.  I feel these overwhelming feelings of worry and fear about having another child.  What happened to those feelings of butterflies and chills at the thought of holding another one of my very own babies again?  It’s strange how those feelings go away.  I know they’ll be back.  I know that this will pass.

But still.  I’m kind of miserable right now.  I really don’t want to do anything.  I really don’t want to be bothered.  I don’t even want to be on the computer.  I just want to recline and sleep.  I’m also really feeling down on myself about my weight.  I was bound and determined to lose 30 lbs. before I had another baby.  I know the weight from this baby is just going to break the scales.  I’m a bit self-conscious because I’ve never been this heavy before and I feel horrible about it.  I pray that because I want to nurse this baby, that will help me get a head start on my weight loss.  I can’t go on feeling this way about myself.  Plus, I just don’t feel healthy.

Not much I can do about it now though.  Obviously, I need to make sure this baby is healthy while growing inside of me.  Actually, I really want vegetables.  Last night at Eric’s Christmas party, I was totally chowing down on some raw veggies.

Anyway, that’s my rant for tonight.  I’m not feeling well in my mind.  My body kind of aches too.  My back is killing me today.  I slept miserably last night.  More strange dreams.  I’m sure the tossing and turning has a lot to do with my sore back.

I wish I didn’t have to wait two more weeks for my doctor appointment.  Not that I’m worried about the growing bean, I just want to “see” him.