*Update: my cousin passed on Saturday, 10/18…just about 20 minutes after I posted this.

I’m just feeling a bit off tonight.  Mainly because as I sit here, my cousin, who is one year younger than me, is laying there dying.  He’s all but lost his battle with cancer.  It’s very hard for me to deal with the fact that here is someone, who should be in the prime of his life, dying of cancer.

I’ve been thinking about my cousin more recently, knowing that his battle is coming to an end.  For all I know, he may have already passed.  It would be good, a blessing, as he has been suffering quite a bit.  And to think it all started with a lump on his shoulder.

I always catch myself taking life for granted.  A moment ago, it hit me pretty hard just how fortunate I am and just how ashamed of myself I am for not cherishing everything that I have, especially my health.  Of course, I always think there is something wrong with me but this situation just puts it all into perspective.

My cousin and I weren’t close.  I saw him a few years ago when we were back in my hometown.  It was nice to see him.  We had a brief conversation before parting ways.  I remember him more as a child than anything.  We saw each other a lot more back then at family gatherings.

So, I’m sad for him and for his family.  I’m sad that he doesn’t get to live longer.  I’m sad that he will never know life like I know it; that he won’t experience the amazing world of being a parent or growing older.  Maybe he’s the lucky one.  I just don’t want to find that out for quite some time yet.