This week the Crazy Hip Blog Mama’s carnival topic is: “What are your strengths and/or weaknesses as a mother?”

I have to refer back to one year ago today when Hailey was sick and had her seizures. As new parents, we were really thrown for a loop. We were weak because we weren’t expecting to have to deal with something like this so soon after her birth. It was a frustrating time and both my husband and myself were beside ourselves. We felt helpless and afraid.

She started out with diarrhea and it just wouldn’t let up. I was changing her diaper every 20 minutes. She was refusing to take her bottles and wasn’t on solids yet. I would sit and cry and call my mother because I just didn’t know what to do.

We started doing some research on the internet and came up with what we thought she might have, “Rotavirus“. I called the doctor and they said if she’s not taking in more than she’s putting out; we needed to take her to the ER and have IV fluids given to her. Well, I took her to the ER and this is where I should have just went with my gut instinct and not left until they took action. Instead, I backed down and we were sent home. In the following days after that visit, Hailey had four seizures. Eric and I felt like we were running in circles and couldn’t understand what was happening. We spent night after sleepless night trying to be strong and we felt like we just kept getting knocked down. I came to a point while she was in the hospital where I felt like I just didn’t have anymore to give. I was feeling so low and depressed. I wouldn’t even talk to my husband. I needed some time to myself, so I sat in the hospital’s chapel for a little while one day. I needed strength from someone I knew could give it to me. I picked myself back up and decided that I needed to be there for my sick little baby.

The following couple of weeks really weren’t any easier. After she was sent home from the hospital the first time, she ended up picking up another virus and the diarrhea continued. She ended up back in the hospital only a few days after she was discharged. My husband and I agreed that this time, we would not back down, that we would make them keep her until she was completely well.

The weeks after she had recovered fully and no more signs of seizures were very trying for me. I kept my ears peeled to the monitor, listening for any sound that I might have to rush to her side. I realized I needed to gain more strength.

Now, here it is a year later. I still listen but I’m much more calm about it. If something like this ever happened again, I know who I need to ask for guidance. This situation has definitely made me a stronger person. In fact, each day I am a mother makes me a stronger person.